On the bed, while watching Friends (1994)

As I sat across the bed from my monitor, enjoying a delicious bowl of pecan and oat cereal, with Friends playing on computer,  is when I recall an incident that Phaedrus once shared.

Phaedrus had a habit of watching an episode of Friends every night before he went to bed. Perhaps he had felt lonely back in the days when his first love left him and he had found company in the love that the characters shared; I didn’t ask.

But whatever love he once had for the show he watches ritualistically, it died soon after his chase for pure rationality and reasoning. He lost the connection to the characters on scene and he no longer felt that Ross and Rachel were ever truly in love. His reason being Ross’ early obsession on Rachel; obsession is not love.

It was not pure, and that was against everything that Phaedrus stood for.

Despite this disdain for the characters, something else within the show hooked him and he began to watch the show not for the story itself, but for the writers behind the story. In his eyes, the show is a representation of how the writer thinks human relationship worked in the 90s, and he was determined to tear it all apart to study it.

At the bar, on good and evil

“Hell is filled with good desires.” -St. Bernard

Sitting across the table, she told me that Hitler had good intentions for protecting the welfare of the state in bid to restore her former glory. That good here may be subjective, because in the eyes of most Germans then, he was doing a good thing despite the death toll of the Jewish people.

I think it is worth noting that the both of us here have very little insight into the history of World War II (WWII). All I knew was that the Germans of that period of space and time had suffered since World War I, and they are looking for a quick escape from their dire situation.

Hitler was their escape.

But here, we are not discussing on an event of the war, but rather, we are exploring how are actions deemed and defined as right.

At the coffeehouse, on fate.

In war the victorious strategist only seeks battle after the victory has been won, whereas he who is destined to defeat first fights and afterwards looks for victory.” -Sun Tzu

The coffeehouse in Ximen, Taipei comprises of three floors where drinks are ordered at ground level while table and chairs are located at the first and second level. We picked a seat overlooking the busy street below. The simple joy of people watching came upon me as I lose myself in watching people passing me by.

There is a fascination that comes from watching a group after another walking from point A to point B. It is akin to a waterfall, where the water splits into individual droplets and still as whole, moving in one direction.

“What is his/her story?” I pondered.

The momentary joy was interrupted as my friend who got herself comfortable in her seat began to speak. It is a strange place to meet an old friend who had relocated to Melbourne for studies then work here in Taipei. I had only found out that she arrived to Taiwan few days ago via Facebook. A few exchange of messages and text, and here we sat.

As we sat and reminisce, the conversation drifted to a number of issues surrounding our personal lives. Some understanding of what the problem was later, she asked me a question that reminded me much of Phaedrus.

“What is the core of the problem?” she asked. I didn’t hesitate before answering, because I had thought about the problem and talked about it before. The answer I gave was “fate”. Thus it was inevitable that the conversation steer to this:

“What is fate?” asked the girl who I knew since I was twelve.

The Irrelevance of Certainty

“Nothing’s ever for sure, John. That’s the only sure thing I do know. ” -Charles, A Beautiful Mind (2001)

My relentless pursuit toward rationality came after the end of my first relationship. It was a fierce reaction toward a fierce external event, very primal. At that point of time, I was convinced that by finding all the answers of why had the relationship ended, subsequently devised a solution to the problem, I could avert another similar occurrence in the future.

By having answers toward that branch of event, I believe it would have set me free from any potential future suffering. This stood true only until recently, where a new conclusion came upon me.